


Michael in the Shitter

by scizor



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, sorry its depressing thats all i can do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 07:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11352450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scizor/pseuds/scizor
Summary: He thought that Jeremy was his best friend… He thought that Jeremy was the coolest person he had ever known. He thought that Jeremy was someone who would be there for him every second of his life, forever.





	Michael in the Shitter

**Author's Note:**

> sorry its short! this is the first thing i've wrote in 3 years literally

“Get out of my way, _ loser _ .”

 

 

Those words rang in his ears. It wasn’t often that his best friend called him “loser” like that. In fact, Michael couldn’t think of a time where either of them had used that word so violently with the other. The harshness of the name made his heart ache. Jeremy had never acted like that to Michael in all the years they had been friends. Sure, they had had their occasional fights -- nothing too big of course -- just petty shit that would be resolved after a couple of hits. Yeah… Nothing too big.

 

That was in the past now, and it hurt to think about. Had he truly just lost his best friend? Was this it? Was this the end of it all? Was he doomed to be alone for the rest of his life? Michael could feel the tears building up in his eyes. Was it truly over? After everything they’d been through together over all the years, was that the end? His thoughts were cut short by a sharp knocking at the door.

 

\-  _ KNOCK KNOCK _ \- 

 

Oh, shit the door. The door. 

  
“Uh… I’m having my period!” Shit. Alright - maybe that would work.

 

The knocking stopped and he sighed. Okay, that would buy him some time. For a second, he had forgotten about the thoughts plaguing his mind, but as soon as they were gone, they all just came rushing back. God damn it. He shouldn’t have thought about that again, the blissful ignorance of those few moments was something that Michael would dearly miss. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped away from the door, placing his hands on the sink. Oh God everything was a mess, a complete mess. He couldn’t leave the bathroom like this, especially not if Jeremy was out there. If there was anyone that Michael didn’t want to see him right now it was Jeremy.

 

Michael was panicking now, the thoughts just rushing in and tearing at his mind. He just wanted it to stop, to get a minute of peace from the intrusive and crippling thoughts. What was he going to do after this? Who was going to be there for him anymore? Who was  _ he _ going to be there for anymore? Jeremy obviously didn’t need him anymore, and that was what hurt the most. Jeremy had just dropped Michael as soon as it was convenient for him. As soon as he had gotten into a new circle of friends. As soon as he had become friends with the “cooler” kids. It crushed him to think about. Was this how it always was? Was Jeremy just waiting for the opportunity to drop Michael when he had gotten better friends? 

 

He was sobbing now, removing his glasses to wipe his face with his sleeve. His face in the mirror in front of him looked awful. God, he was having a full blown panic attack now, his breathing getting heavier and heavier. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t. He couldn’t have anyone see him like this, damn it. The knocking at the door had come back, too, but he was too choked up to even say anything in response. 

 

The waterworks were really flowing now, as much as he would never want to admit to. Oh my God he just wanted to die right now. He shouldn’t have come to this party. He hated parties, why did he bother coming? It wasn’t like he had friends that he could talk to or be with - anymore. Every thought Michael had just came right back to thinking about Jeremy again. Had he really meant nothing to him this whole time? He thought that Jeremy was his best friend… He thought that Jeremy was the coolest person he had ever known. He thought that Jeremy was someone who would be there for him every second of his life, forever. He  _ loved  _ Jeremy, and man, he was  _ totally _ gay for him. But - had that truly meant nothing? This whole time was it all for nothing?

 

Michael was shaking, struggling to stay standing. His legs felt weak. It felt as though he was carrying the weight of the world right now. Where had he gone wrong? He didn’t want to blame Jeremy. At first he had thought it was all on Jeremy, but as his thoughts took over him, he began to wonder -- What if  _ he _ was the one who had done wrong? What if this was all his fault. He just wasn’t good enough for Jeremy. Maybe Jeremy thought he was a total creep or something. Maybe Jeremy was right to get rid of him. He sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the bathtub, staring at the ceiling. God. This was all his fault wasn’t it? It must be. He couldn’t think of any other reason for it. Jeremy’s squip was just doing what was best for Jeremy, and that might have happened to be getting rid of Michael. Michael wasn’t cool enough. Michael wasn’t good enough. Maybe this was better for Jeremy. Maybe he should be happy for him. This is what Jeremy had always wanted - to be cool.

 

Michael buried his face into his hands, his mind continuing to torture him. He was better off dead right now. He was suicidal at the best of times, but this was just ten times worse. He was alone now. He didn’t have any reason to live anymore. Jeremy was the light of his life, and that had been extinguished. The anxiety was hitting him so hard and he didn’t think that he could handle it, not right now, maybe not ever. 

 

The knocking at the door had ceased.

 

He sighed in relief. That was one stress he was relieved of. Michael sat in silence for what felt like hours, the only sound being the muffled music from the party lingering in the background.  He tried his best to blank out his mind, trying to forget about Jeremy for now. It was difficult and it was painful. Every time his mind would just wander back to thinking about Jeremy. He wanted it to end. He wanted to go home and play a violent video game to ease his mind. Yeah. That would help. That would definitely help. If there was anything that soothed him, it would be video games. Just -- not any two player games. Not right now. That wasn’t going to help him.

 

Michael stood up from the floor, going back to the sink. He turned the tap on and leaned down to splash some water in his face, cooling down the hot mess of tears. That felt much better. He stood back and stared at himself in the mirror for a few moments before -- Was that screaming? He turned off the tap. More screaming. There was a faint scent of smoke in the air that he hadn’t noticed before because he was too busy crying. Michael waved his hand over the doorknob shakily, contemplating whether he should open it or not. He looked like a complete mess… Was it really wise to go out like this? But -- the screaming. He took a deep breath and opened the door to be greeted with smoke filling the hallway and billowing into the bathroom.

 

He took a deep breath.

 

This can’t be good.


End file.
